On the joys of air conducting

When life is hopping around you, jabbing and weaving, or has nothing to offer except a meaningless jumble of nothing dressed up as boredom then we must make room and time for ourselves and resort to extreme recreational activities. In my case this can only mean air conducting to romantic classical music in the dim dark evenings.

Oh, how the joy and emotion can flow as you hold your massive tourist pencils and wave them to the orchestral pieces that flutter and swarm in the air around you, eyes closed and senses open the great harmony of the universe. There is nothing quite like air conducting at the end of a day where stress and nerves have taken their toll and you feel like a wet blanket that could snap at any moment under the unendurable tension. Arrhj! Just the smallest piece of pencil waving can take it all away to a small place, far far away (in Hong Kong), and leave you mellow and happy to sleep.

The joy of air conducting has been controversial ever since the studies of Schmeer and Klockle contradicted each other on the perils of air conducting to the unconscious mind. Schmeer, who was an avid pencil waver, contended that the unconscious mind could only benefit from the spare time to decompress and happily get along with its chores, lowering the tension load on the psyche. Klockle, whose pencil collection was second to none in his adopted city of Buenos Aires, expressed concern that air conducting was addictive in the extreme and was to blame for the state of his arms, which had led him to four months of physical therapy at a clinic in Zurich in the late 1920s. These two would tussle on the subject in a series of 11 papers until Klockle won the debate by dying and achieving mandatory reverence for six months. Schmeer was furious and a little disheartened but never gave up his pencil.

Music to air conduct too is now freely available on a host of Internet radio stations and, of course, more conventional radio stations in your own countries. Do yourselves some favours, go on holiday and buy dopey giant pencils, and then air conduct for all you're worth. Venice Classics Radio is nice for it.

Thank you,
Oliver.


Postscript:
Someone +1'ed the post entitled 'Elaborate'. I think I might faint.