Conferences

The BAMC is over and now regular service is resumed after a lovely weekend visiting friends in Glasgow. No matter how well or badly any trip goes there is still nothing better than getting back to your own kitchen. Having put everything together in my head I can now reveal to you the key points of a typical conference day, which is far more suitable to a generic conference than the BAMC (covering back):

1> Wake up, get confused, get breakfast.
2> See some talks, get thirsty and tired.
3> Coffee and biscuit break. Get sugary and caffeinated.
4> Watch more talks, get thirsty and tired. Begin mood swings.
5> Lunch. In Britain this is typically sandwiches and cake and possibly some crisps and fruit. More coffee and tea.
6> Watch more talks. Start more erratic mood swings and lose focus. Sugar saturation. Get thirsty.
7> Coffee break. MORE COFFEE AND BISCUITS. There may be posters to look at.
8> If unlucky, MORE TALKS! Get thirsty and mildly deranged.
9> Possibly more coffee. End of scheduled day.
10> Go out for dinner, wait three hours for group to assemble. Faint of hunger and sugar low.
11> Leave as the others start getting drunk and doing funny looks. Get lost looking for hotel.

There is one variant of the above routine, which is the night of the conference dinner. On those nights you wait hours for a small amount of food, end up seated with strangers and then struggle to make it through the after-dinner speech. The more enterprising diners will scour surrounding empty tables for spare wine bottles. Non-drinkers such as myself will leave early. People will look enviously as you go.

It's interesting to be a delegate at a conference though as you can observe the different character types at large: The schmoozers, the incredibly able who don't have to schmooze, the disinterested people on a free holiday, and the Big Cheeses stalking around like lions on the veldt and never speaking a wrong word. It's fascinating, especially at the BAMC where there is also a large proportion of postgraduate students giving their first conference talks, and people get nervous. Oh, the funny looks and nerves...

Oh, and as someone who has been behind the organisational curtain in a relatively minor capacity, there's even more madness behind the scenes. If anyone ever asks me about a programme font again there will be ructions.

O.