Two things spring to mind immediately upon starting this post: Postman Pat and fast cutting. After that Tarzan and low expectations. This was a rough one. Lets proceed with three things in mind, once Pat has been exhausted:
1) Did you like the movie?
2) Was it a good movie?
3) Was it a good Muppet movie?
'Muppets Most Wanted' has been getting decidedly mixed reviews, and I can certainly see why. Once the trauma of adverts and trailers and the preceding short had faded away it was rather hard to settle down as there was nothing to settle down into. In my mind this movie is actually called 'Muppets Non-Stop' due to the fact that there was never time to relax and love it! It was non-stop, in a way that none of the previous films have been. There was no time just to like the characters, no time to appreciate Animal being cuddly or Gonzo's collaboration with Salma Hayek, no time just to smell the flowers and love having a new Muppet movie in itself. That was a problem for me, as it relates directly to my current film phobia: Fast cutting. Fast cutting is a ubiquitous phenomenon at the moment, and loathsome in the extreme. Want to know why I didn't write about or love 'The Lego Movie'? Blasted fast cutting! Mutter mutter. At least the 'Lego Movie' didn't have a demonic cyborg Postman Pat movie trailer preceding it though. That was seriously disturbing. They have done something bad in Postman Pat land. Beware, little children, beware.
In any case, back to the Muppets, and the questions above. The first question is the most conflicting. This whole blog could end up reading as if the movie is bad or that I hated it. Neither of those is true; I just didn't love it, which is a crime for a Muppets movie. Again, pacing is a massive issue here. So many jokes, and good ones, didn't get to land as they went by so quickly. There were very few moments which were allowed to linger for their full effect. My whole being wants to love Muppet movies, but this one didn't stick around long enough to be loved.
The second question is easier, as it probably is a pretty good movie by modern standards. It's not as good as 'The Muppets' but then that had five years of preparatory work spent on it, whereas this did not. On the other hand, the pacing is a monumental problem personally so who am I to say? Who can be the fair arbiters of these things? My suspicion is that it's good movie for people who aren't me. It was even a good movie for me, just one that could have been great.
Finally, the third and most vital question. This is the most conflicting and confusing question of them all. At an instinctive level, this is a not a good Muppet movie. How that is true when it is packed full of so many authentic Muppet moments, homages, and even has Sam the Eagle's only significant role in a film is beyond me. Every Muppet appears that I can think of, every single one, and yet it's not quite a good Muppet movie. 'The Muppets' was, despite some tonal issues, but this somehow now. How was it now? I have no idea. None. The Muppet voices were worse than last time, but that's not enough to kill Muppetiness. Perhaps it was the explosions and frog martial arts? It could be that, as non-silly violence and Muppets do not mix. Animal and Sam both had big parts but still it didn't quite work. What was up with it?! This might be a personal problem again, but it was just a little bit off. Maybe it was Postman Pat putting off the whole thing again.
Blasted Postman Pat and his laser-powered cat. I shudder. Ignore the whole post; Postman Pat and a science fiction Tarzan ruined it all.
O.
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