The Amsterdam Trip: A Summary

A holiday is a tricky beast. A mass of whirling preconceptions and plans that collapse down to the waveform that is reality once you set foot at the destination and realise just what you've really arrived at. The last week was spent, for me and my anniversary-ing parents, in scenic and wet Amsterdam, the mildewy elegant and liberal capital of the already liberal Netherlands. Needless to say, people got cheese for gifts and postcards were totally neglected.

That's right, I forgot all postcards. Sorry, people of the world who expected some.

For my part, I did exactly two things as activities and excursions in Amsterdam: The zoo and tracking down board game shops. Everything else fell by the wayside in the chaos and panic, and instead it narrowed down to animals and cardboard. In retrospect Zooloretto would have been the best game to get. Blast it all! My travel arrangements favoured everyone but me, so that's a trip well organised. Sigh.

The Amsterdam Artis Zoo is lovely, taking up a massive portion of the city to the east of the Hermitage (ticked off a Civilization computer game landmark!), and filled with all the usual suspects as well as the lesser seen sea lions and alligators. The alligators were hiding when the even more than usually hesitant trip to the reptile house occurred and a few side glimpses of snakes pushed me back out into the cold drizzle. Oh Dutch drizzle, you are no match for the Welsh kind, which kicks you in the teeth after soaking you through and not before. The Beiderbecke references were knocked off pretty quickly by copying the notion of a canal cruise and then what was there left to do?

An in-depth analysis of all the material at hand upon arrival led to a swift declaration of a Red Light District prohibited zone, a bike hire that was subsequently mostly ignored, and the directions to board game shops supplied by the awesome Elena being salvaged and used on the final morning. Not buying a game was compensated for by identifying and visiting a cheese shop as a consequence! Who can go to Amsterdam and not buy cheese, truly? It is the default gift, apart from knocked off windmills, leather jackets and terrible miniature clogs! Note: Never get gifts for anyone from Amsterdam unless you want a friend with clogs, leather jackets and windmill beanie hats driven by cheesy breath. Ick.

The overriding impression of Amsterdam from my city-loathing point of view is that is comparatively green, comparatively scenic, less grey and severe than some other places, crushed underneath a sea of cyclists and generally quite nice away from the aforementioned prohibited zone. But it's still a city. Bleuch! The public transport system is admirably integrated though, right down to universal travel passes and free ferries across the massive river Ij. There are scenic streets and canals, and historic buildings galore, as well as some of the seediest gift shops known to humanity. It's a strange contradiction in terms in many ways, and a contradiction that will need further independent study.

Now if only we could get to the bottom of why the term 'museum' actually means 'gallery' in the European countries I've been to a mass of disappointments might be averted in the future. Actual museums are so much nicer than galleries!

O.