Advertising

"Roll up, roll up, for today you'll find out about the best thing you'll never buy. Yes, the true secret to domestic bliss, the greatest thing since sliced bread, the one great new appliance to roll out of research and development since the turn of the century. You, the lucky consumer, could be the owner of a brand new digitally controlled mechanical pillow picker!

Never again would you be the slave of pillow rotation or any other pillow-related trials. Never again would you suffer the most heated domestic arguments around the sordid chores of pillow redefinition and renewal, or the horrible risks run by relationships around the world on the topic of pillow forts left too long in the bedroom. Why ever run those risks again, when you could buy the FluffKicker3000? Feel those stresses melt away!

'A new model of the FluffKicker?', I hear you ask in wonder. How could that happen after all these years? How could any new product live up to the illustrious original FluffKicker? How could it even compare to the products released by our competitors? Well, we have something that no-one else does here at Pillow Masters, the DownyBrain artifical intelligence system! Yes, our FluffKicker3000s are equipped with AI systems so advanced that you won't even notice they're around, and are designed to integrate their behavioural patterns in with those of other Pillow Masters products you may have in the home. You need never worry about those nasty conflicts between pillow picking, mattress flipping, and the trusty old toothbrush cleaner Mr Waggles at two o'clock in the morning again. Doesn't that sound wonderful? Don't you want to scream?

What's stopping you from buying a FluffKicker3000 right now? Well, it's fictional nature might put you off, but let's not stop ourselves due to mere technicalities of reality. Welcome to this world of opportunity where every possible labour saving device is available to help you get through the day. For only a measly few thousand pounds you could have a pillow picker of your own, one with a fully developed fuzzy logic system and the ability to play chess should you ever get bored. That's right, the FluffKicker3000 can even play chess, and even theoretically talk to your pet tropical fish. What value!

Don't stop to think, don't even stop to wonder, just get yourself down to your local Pillow Masters outlet and open that wallet straight away. Your delivery is promised within ten calendar years, and satisfaction according to your then levels of anticipation is of course guaranteed.

Go, FluffKicker3000, go!


* Also available with heated attachments, subject to moderate supplemental charge, for those days when warmed pillows are not to be sneezed at."