Soul Sick

Everyone can be soul sick. It doesn't matter if you believe in souls or not; It's a universal condition. Past decisions and ideas can niggle at us and sap our spiritual/mental self until we don't know what's going on any more. It is quite the sad thing, and is unsurprisingly becoming more and more prevalent.

'Soul sick' is not a term you hear much any more. It means something slightly different to 'heart broken', which is very much connected to romantic woes and broken ambitions. To be soul sick is to be fundamentally lacking something or be aware of something you really don't want to know.

Whenever I think of 'soul sickness' I think of the much underrated film (it's always a film!) 'Joe Versus The Volcano', where the third character played by Meg Ryan makes a terrible confession to Joe. She has broken her word to herself and agreed to work for her manipulative father in exchange for the boat she so wants from him. The knowledge that she has a price is making her soul sick and she just has to explain her angry behaviour. Joe can't really do anything but listen as one of the best little speeches in film history goes on, and we learn the knowledge that has taken her will to live.

I've been soul sick a few times, and it's always because at heart I know I've done something wrong or that something is missing. The worst thing is that you can get used to the second variety, that gnawing sense of always being in the wrong place or the wrong time or simply not knowing what it is that you need to feel complete. It seems like a huge thing at the time but really... you have to believe me here... it's inside you all along if you can just relax and accept yourself. We're all capable of being self-aware and happy as individuals; It just seems like we must have partners to be happy. Society has a great habit of pressuring everyone to be the same and pushes people who don't cooperate to the back of the line.

Still, soul sickness is a terrible thing. Maybe if you've feeling a bit afflicted you should go see 'Joe Versus The Volcano'. It's good. I love that movie. There's a bit of 'soul sickness' in the latter stages of 'Cities in Flight' by James Blish, although that's also more of a malaise.

O.

PS James Kirk in Star Trek II is another good example.