One And One Make What?

Beware the fried brain, the inevitable result of being up too long and spending too many consecutive days trying to finesse arithmetic into primary school students. Even now, the whole world has condensed down to explaining how to find the halfway point between nine and twenty-four, and wondering just why the postman hasn't appeared for two consecutive days. Two whole days without post is worrying and a little suspicious. Not even a junk leaflet? Really? Suspicious. It must all be being stopped at the Bicycle Prevention League's censorship station, currently located in the bunker underneath the telephone exchange. They've had it in for me ever     since the incident with the Alfred Hitchcock gnome and the penny farthing.

What exactly is the halfway number between nine and twenty-four? A red herring? A completely irrelevant piece of information? Sixteen and a half? We may never know for sure. Does it even exist in this plane of existence? Tough questions all. Especially for a deranged maniac.

Why does one plus one make two? It's a philosophical question of staggering depth and stupidity. On the one hand it questions the very basis of empirical fact and demands an answer for something we consider axiomatic, and on the other it points to the fact that one and one make two because that's how we defined 'two' to begin with. We could just have easily have labelled one as 'four' and 'four' as one, and then four plus four would have made two. Oh, the perils of asking simple questions! It would be far easier to think about the mild embarrassment of reading a Clive Cussler novel, but that will be for another day. Oh, the horrific exposition!

Actually, one and one might not make two. After all, what does 'and' mean? Does it have to mean 'plus'? It really depends on the operation you associate with the ring, field, or whatever frame reference you're working in. It might actually make zero, eleven, one, two, or a fried green tomato. Am I even remembering any of this correctly? Answers on a postcard, please.

O.